She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
