when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's blow job season.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
