i jhust puked up my retainher.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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