Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
