also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
