he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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