You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
