I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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