Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
