Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
