totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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