My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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