she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
