so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
