how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
