Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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