she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Panties = found
Randomize
