i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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