I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
