I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
