You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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