I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
