dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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