Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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