Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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