I have demons in me.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
