i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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