do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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