I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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