My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She needs sedatives and a leash
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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