'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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