just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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