I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
only if we run a train.
done.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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