i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
