ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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