haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
