swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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