If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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