Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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