gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
