im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
