I didn't shave. On purpose
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have already put on my inside pants.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
