He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He passed out mid-signature
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
