we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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