My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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