Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
