last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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