Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
