ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
