Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
