i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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