She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
