I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
