my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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