i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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